


The Color Blur

by Cut Myself Shaving (Two_Guns_And_A_Knife)



Category: Stephanie Plum - Janet Evanovich
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-23 19:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 4,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/930102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Two_Guns_And_A_Knife/pseuds/Cut%20Myself%20Shaving
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of nightmares. Death. Mistakes. Chaos. No theme song required. No HEA.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. BLACK

**Black**

She has lost the thing that connected her to him. She has lost the motive to live.

She lies in the bed unmoving. The silence is too loud. The whole universe feels empty. One day she will heal. But the hurt will always be there. She will never forget about the pain. She barely has a promise. She doesn't have a ring.

He's gone forever. And she has lost their baby.

She doesn't want to breathe.


	2. Off White

**Off White**

She's going to marry the wrong man. They have taken her cell phone and car key away. She stands there in her wedding dress. This is a big mistake. She leaves the waiting room while no one is watching. Her bare feet make no sound on the carpet. She hates those satin shoes. She doesn't have much money in her little purse. She hears their laughter. She quickens her steps. She would rather become a nun. She no longer has an apartment. She doesn't know what to tell her mother. She can't go home. Everything is wrong. So wrong.

She walks into the rain. The seven-floored building is now a pile of debris. He's no longer there.

She hears people calling her name.


	3. Grey

**Grey**

She watched her mother's lips move but no sound came.

_Be reasonable, Stephanie._

_Joe is a good man_.

She wanted to laugh but had no strength. Her heart had been broken into tiny little pieces. Her prayers got no answers. Her mother's eyes were like two big black pools. She saw no love inside. At some point of time she had become a burden. She heard the unsaid words. The message was clear. Stand up and follow the path. Be a good girl. Don't wander off the road. Carpe Diem. C'est la vie.

_You have a life ahead of you._

You will feel better once you let Joe into your bed. You will feel better once you give birth to Joe's baby. You will find the strength and courage to live. You will realize you are blessed. You will waste no time lamenting. Just look into the child's eyes and you will be able to love and be loved again. She looked away but her mother wouldn't stop. Her father and sister kept their silence.

_He's not coming back. He's gone, gone, Stephanie._

_He's DEAD._

_DEAD._

_DEAD!_

She wakes up bathing in cold sweat, her mother's cool pleasant voice ringing in her ears. She's in a strange room. She's in a strange bed. She blinks in temporary uncertainty and then suddenly remembers. She was feeling desperate when Jeanne Ellen Burrows stopped the sleek black car and said, "Get in." She didn't hesitate. They'd noticed her absence. They were running and calling her name. She sits still in the bed, thinking of the child she has lost. She can still hear their footsteps. It was too early to tell but she knew it was a boy. She always, always, wanted a little boy. What was she thinking? why did she accept the ring? She's grateful Jeanne Ellen took her in. The room is clean and tidy. She bursts into tears. She will never be able to love another man.

Her loss is too grave.


	4. Blue

**Blue**

She dreams of the night he left.

The apartment was quiet and his kiss was soft.

The color of his eyes was like a song.

He smiled.

He left.

He didn't come back.

He died.

She wakes up. She doesn't cry. She looks out of the car window. A new name. A new passport. A new hair color. A new phone. And a brand new Glock. Life is not the same anymore. The emptiness within her grows louder. All her dreams are lost. She no longer has a hamster. She lost a lot of friends the day the RangeMan building collapsed. Now she's going to hunt down the people responsible. She never knew about Jeanne Ellen and Lester Santos. The everlasting sorrow in Jeanne Ellen's eyes is heavier than thunder. A woman's love. A woman's hope. A woman's rage, anger, and tears. The man she will always love and the child she has lost.

"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily," She sings silently as the world files by outside the window.

Life is but a dream.

If only.


	5. Blue

**Blue**

She dreams of the night he left.

The apartment was quiet and his kiss was soft.

The color of his eyes was like a song.

He smiled.

He left.

He didn't come back.

He died.

She wakes up. She doesn't cry. She looks out of the car window. A new name. A new passport. A new hair color. A new phone. And a brand new Glock. Life is not the same anymore. The emptiness within her grows louder. All her dreams are lost. She no longer has a hamster. She lost a lot of friends the day the RangeMan building collapsed. Now she's going to hunt down the people responsible. She never knew about Jeanne Ellen and Lester Santos. The everlasting sorrow in Jeanne Ellen's eyes is heavier than thunder. A woman's love. A woman's hope. A woman's rage, anger, and tears. The man she will always love and the child she has lost.

"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily," She sings silently as the world files by outside the window.

Life is but a dream.

If only.


	6. Yellow

**Yellow**

The city is busy. The people are loud and in a hurry. The coffee tastes bitter; the sun can't penetrate her mirror sunglasses. A man pulls a chair and sits down. Hector. He looks thinner. His hair is shorter. He was there when the bombs exploded. The burned scar on his face and neck is no longer that obvious.

Tonight. She's going to kill someone. The man whose greed changed her life. They have found a way to get past the bodyguards. A lawless city. A lawless country. She now can speak a little Spanish. But her tutor is forever gone. She listens to her heartbeat. They will then track down the traitor. A car rushes by. Someone laughs. It's just an ordinary day in most people's life. She thinks of her mother. She almost smiles. The light in Joe's eyes when she said yes and the tough of his lips. A moment of weakness.

She loathes herself.


	7. Pink

**Pink**

Storm came. Wind, strong, fierce, merciless, dominates the universe. The house looks like an empty shell. She secures her untraceable Glock. She walks through the double French doors. She stands still and takes a shallow breath. Outside, the rain falls. It's now, or never.

She may die in the process. She may die and thus fail. But that's okay. She has chosen this lonely road. Out of her free will. She has no reason to live whatsoever. Everything she once had is now lost. The solid coldness of the gun is the only thing left, as well as a desire to revenge. To get even. To scream as loud as possible. To shout, to yell, to sound a protest. The rain is heavy. The wind is wild. No one will hear the noise. Obey the law. Bend the law. Break the law. Justice is such a tricky word.

Happiness always comes to an abrupt end. Nothing, nothing, ever lasts. Forever is a fairytale. Tomorrow won't be a better day. But at least she can have a closure. She has to do something. She has to try her best. Even if her effort and the result may both be pointless. She takes a silent step forward. The lump in her throat remains there. Blood rushes her veins. Stay calm. Beware of your surroundings. She hides in a tree's shadow. She smells the scent of exotic flowers. She inches closer. And closer.

A gunshot shatters the world.

Jeanne Ellen?

Hector?

Attack.

Danger.

A silhouette moves. She jumps forward. She locks eyes with a man. She pulls the trigger. Death. Forever surprise. Frozen. Something tugs at her heart when the man falls. Shoutings. Running footsteps. The dead man's face looks familiar. She tries to stay cool and composed. She tries to find comfort in the weight of her gun. More gunshots. She turns a corner and takes cover behind a wall. The decoration of this place is tacky. The furniture seems expensive. She has a mission to accomplish. She has to find and eliminate her target. Someone yells in Spanish. Or is it Italian? She recalls the first time she grabbed hold of a gun. The firm warm hands. The bright almost black eyes. The curving perfect lips. The Million Dollar Smile. Ranger. The man she will always love. The father of her tiny lost child. She's here to revenge. She's here to die. Maybe the pain will then stop. She's already in Hell...

She blinks. She sees the approaching men and the guns in their hands. She failed to pay attention and took a wrong turn. There's no way out. She's trapped. She hasn't gunned down her target. She won't be able to track down the traitor. All those careful plans and preparations. She wants to laugh at herself. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. She's about to die here. With too many regrets.

She tightens her grip of the gun. She wonders if she'll have time to take aim. One of the men laughs. Another one sneers. The rest of them raise their guns. Now it's time for everything to—

Something explodes.

The men drop to their knees and one by one collapse on the floor.

The world didn't end.

Nothing feels real.

Chaos.

 


	8. Purple

**Purple**

A tall black man. Not as large as Tank. Older. But quick. And strong. She can't stop shaking. She finds it hard to take her eyes off him. The stink of death and gunpowder lingers in the air. He's the one that saved her life. He's the one that killed them all. Somehow she knows this man knows how to drive a Porsche. His eyes remind her of Ranger.

"Stephanie Plum?" His voice is smooth. His smile is bright.

She nods.

Blood oozes out from a dead man's wound. The carpet is very soft.

"Let's go." No time to explain. Big firm hand grasps hold of her arm. She tries her best to keep up. They go through another door. She hears shoutings. Spanish. English. From a distance. A lot of voices. Suddenly she feels unsure. Hector. Jeanne Ellen. What happened? Where are they? Her head is empty. The details of their plan. They are in this together. What will happen to them? Who is this man? Was he expecting her? Why does he know her name? They are now on a narrow street. She stops and tries to pull out of the tall man's grasp. A black car comes out of nowhere and pulls to a sudden stop. The doors open. A calm-looking slender Hispanic man is at the wheel. The beautiful black man turns to look her in the eyes. What he says shakes her whole world and the universe.

"Ranger sent us."

 


	9. Green

**Green**

She feels tired. She needs a bath. She needs sleep. She's hungry. The room is small but clean. She can hear the noises from the street. It's safe here inside the modest hotel. Temporarily. She still has her gun. She has a lot of questions. But the tall man named Hawk has disappeared. "Lock the door. Keep your gun nearby." That's all he said. The Hispanic man just smiled at her. Friendly. Not talkative. She needs to know if Hector is okay. His phone is no longer working. Does she have to wait here the whole night? She starts feeling a little dizzy. The pressure of the past few days. She killed another man. How do you tell right from wrong? How do you tell good from bad? What exactly happened to Ranger? Who placed the bombs to destroy RangeMan? Who killed her friends? Is Ranger still alive? Is Ranger truly dead?

She closes her eyes as she sits down on the bed. She remembers the promises he whispered in her ears. She never got the chance to tell him about their baby and she almost married Joe. She feels the heartache all over again. "He hired us to keep you safe." The only explanation Hawk gave when she got in the car and left with them. She didn't have the courage to ask the Million Dollar Question. Where is he? Is he safe? She did notice that Hawk was using past tense. She places her hands on her empty belly, and suddenly recalls the sternness and pity in her mother's eyes.

_He's not coming back. He's gone, gone, Stephanie._

"No." Her shaky voice echoes in the room. "No." He's still alive. He's not dead. He's somewhere out there. He's keeping her safe. She knows it. She just knows.


	10. Beige

**Beige**

She curls on the bed and falls asleep.

She dreams of that night so many months ago when Ranger came home hurt. Her heart jumped in her throat when she answered the phone and heard Tank say, "Don't panic." It was nothing serious. His upper arm grazed by a wandering bullet. And a slight and almost unnoticeable limping. The sign of trouble coming. But she paid it no attention. She was so happy and so whole-heartedly in love. She was enjoying every single minute of her life. She believed Paradise was a place on Earth. She was oblivious to the outside world. They were trying their best to solve the problem and keep her safe, but she didn't even notice. She misses Tank. She misses Hal. She misses every one of the Merry Men. She misses Rex. She misses her unborn child.

She misses the man she loves.

She tosses and turns in the small, clean, narrow bed. She wants to get rid of her pain. She wants her happiness back. She wants to revenge. She wants to taste the murderers' blood. But she still doesn't like guns. She no longer has a home. She has no idea whom to trust. She is lost. So lost. And the unbearable loneliness and sorrow are slowly killing her. She no longer cares what will happen to her. She's a dead woman walking under the blazing sun. She feels nothing. She sees nothing. She hears nothing. She has no heart. She has no soul. She has no fears. She has lost the ability to smile, to laugh, to dream, to hope, to be happy, and to live on. Maybe she's just still clinging on to false hopes. And maybe when the morning and the enemy finally come, she, too, will be dead.

Silently she cries in her sleep inside a small hotel in a foreign country. The world moves on without her. One of the people who are responsible for the explosion and the deaths stares into the muzzle of the gun, fails to dodge the bullet, trying to say something, and dies. And one of them is coming her way.


	11. Amber

**Amber**

The pretty smart strong woman. A trusting fool. He actually felt a hint of remorse when the bullet penetrated her heart and ended her life. He stood there for a moment. He knew he would always remember her eyes. The look of love. Sadness. Shock. Hurt. And betrayal. He liked her. He really liked her. He turned around and moved on. The words he'd whispered in her ear were partly true. He'd never loved her. He never would. He was such a great liar. He never wanted to know what love is. He'd silently laughed the night she'd told him, "I love you." But still her death made him a little bit sad. What could he say? He is, after all, but human. And he does have feelings. And needs. And hopes. And dreams. As well as aims and ambitions. He always has his own agendas and he knows how to keep his silence. Trust no one. Money talks. There will always be people out there who are all too ready to put a bullet between your eyes and stab you in the back. He was just doing his job. No one, no one, is innocent.

That's the reason why he now stands on this narrow street, looking up at the small window of the hotel room. The night is still early. He has plenty of time to accomplish his mission. _Stephanie. Stephanie. Stephanie. Why can't you just settle down and spend the rest of your life with Joe Morelli? Discard your past like a dream. Forget all the sweet, sweet memories._ He smiles his charming smile as he recalls the look on Jeanne Ellen's face. Realization hit too late. The truth is always ugly. New identity. Different name. But his smile will always remain the same.

The man who used to be known as Lester Santos walks across the street. He's very confident that information is accurate. The clueless blue-eyed woman is here. She will serve as bait. And, maybe, finally, when they have no further use of her, recreation. That's what women are for. Ain't it? He pushes the door open and steps in the hotel. It won't take long. She's easy to handle. His perfect lies have gotten a lot of people killed and she has never ever been noted for being extraordinarily clever. He walks up the narrow stairs. He stops at the door. He met no one on the way up. The hotel is very quiet. It doesn't matter if he will have any problem gaining her trust. He knocks.

Stephanie Plum wakes up with a start.


	12. Bronze

**Bronze**

There's no such thing as "out". Not for people like them. And sometimes things go wrong. A seed of doubt grows into a dangerous sprout. No ordinary cover-up can ever fix that. That's when extreme measures have to be applied. Valuable tools. Exquisite weapons. Once be deemed contaminated, they'll have to be disposed of. Till death do we part. The planned future can't be sabotaged. The strength of this agency and this nation can't be compromised. It's a matter of black and white. No gray area allowed. At the end of the day, everyone is but an expendable pawn. The big picture is what really counts. And sometimes the executioners, being the privileged last resort, will be given more room to manipulate and allowed a little fun.

This particular executioner, who's very creative, talented, and capable with bombs, explosives, and things like that, gazes up toward the moonless sky. A half-sneer, half-smile freezes on his face. There's no life in his cold blue eyes. No, he didn't die a quick death. He had too much blood on his hands. Eyes for eyes. Lives for lives. Justice. Payback. Revenge. Karma. Death fell upon him just a few seconds before his handler, an average looking middle-aged woman, got shot three times between the eyes. "It was complicated." She'd tried to explained in a calm tone. "It had to be done." But the mad, sad, angry, cold and determined man didn't even smile. Teeth for teeth. Blood for blood.

The rebels strike back.


	13. Silver

**Silver**

Stephanie Plum stares at the door.

Stephanie Plum grabs hold of the gun.

She's hungry. She's tired. She's scared and numb. And she still hates guns.

There comes another knock.

The plane exploded mid air, she was told, and no one survived. A notorious South American cartel was alleged to be responsible for that. That's how Ranger died. He didn't have a chance. He wasn't lucky enough this time. And the police believes that the same cartel was behind the explosion of the RangeMan building and all the deaths. Carlos Manoso, ex-Army Ranger, part-time gun and drug smuggler, part-time assassin, villain is disguise.

Grief. Shock. Heartbreak. Stress. Confusion. Loneliness. Stephanie lost the child. Truth. Revenge. That's why she's here. She had, and still has, to do something. She stands up from the bed. She walks to the door. She has nothing else to lose. It's time to be brave. She needs the answer. She opens the door. She widens her eyes. She lets of a gasp and bursts into tears.

Staring at the muzzle of the gun, Lester Santos recognizes the tall black man. He can't help but smile.  _Ah, it's a trap_.

 


	14. Lava

**Lava**

She wraps her arms around him. This time, she won't let go. So much has happened. So much has changed. And she loves him still. So many lives have been lost. So many tears. So much pain. So much blood. There's no need for questions. She lets out a sob. He's warm. He's solid. He's real.

Times stands still.

Lester Santos smiles his charming smile. They won't let him walk away alive. They. The people he works for. The people he set up, framed, and tried to kill. Justice. Karma. Revenge. There's always a price and war is always cruel. He's not especially afraid of death. He has become numb a long time ago. He had to choose a side. Either way he would lose. There won't be a flag on his coffin. His file will be forever sealed. Traitors. Backstabbers. A patriot's game. World peace is but a pretty slogan. Winner takes all. His remains will never be found or identified. That's OK. No one is waiting for him at home. He should've fucked Jeanne Ellen for the very last time before putting an end to her life. Ah, regrets.

Hawk's eyes are cold.


	15. Crimson

**Crimson**

He paces the carpeted floor.

He's a quiet but powerful man. He knows his weakness. He knows his strength. He's safe inside this building. Something has gone wrong. Both plan A and B have failed. They will come after him, and he doesn't plan to die. He has always been a tough fighter. Besides, he's sly. He's smarter than most of the people. He's way smarter than the few people he works for.

He always has a backup plan.

He smiles his cold indifferent smile. It's time to go home to his children and lovely wife. He will walk away the winner of this game. Politics. Scandals. Secret assassinations. There's always a tomorrow. Give him the One Ring and he will rule the world. He will do a much better job than the Dark Lord. Yes. He is very confident of himself. He handpicked his security detail. In no time at all little problem will be solved and the damage contained. At the end of the day, we are all expendable and disposable. The trick is to seize everything you can. ASAP. He's not a fan of **The West Wing** or **House of Cards**. He never argues with the unique culture. He never loses sleep over the unwritten rules. Someone has to make things work. Someone has to make the choice. Someone has to make things work. We all have our own agendas. To hell with the "Greater Good".

A rocket fires from a Russian-made bazooka.

Another rocket fires from another Russian-made bazooka.

And then there comes the third.

And the fourth.

The well-trained fully-armed driver and bodyguards barely have time to react. The car explodes into a ball of fire. Revenge has begun. And the avengers will be forever in exile.


	16. Coral

**Coral**

She stepped up to take care of his cats. She tries not to drive by the scene. She can't bear the sight of the wreckage of the building. It's not like they were engaged or something. They never gave each other any promise or commitment. She knew she had to do the right thing. She doesn't know what happened to Stephanie. Mrs. Plum and Mrs. Morelli planned the wedding and she wasn't invited. She's glad Stephanie ran away at the last minute.

Lula swallows the allergy medicine. Every night when she lies down on the bed, she thinks of him. Tank. Pierre. Crazy Cat Man. All the what-ifs and could-have-beens. She smiles and shakes her head. His cats are her babies now. And the lump in her throat will never go away.

 


	17. Pearl

**Pearl**

She can never go home. No phone calls. No letters. No texts. No emails. There's a war waging on and it will never end.

The lean dark man looks out the window and stares at the rain. The permanent five o' clock shadow on his chin has became more pronounced. He's been working undercover as a police detective for too many years and has experienced a lot of successes and failures. He has learned how to cross out his personal losses. But Stephanie Plum is different. She's something special. She stole a certain portion of his heart and that made his work harder.

He thought he'd finally tamed her. He thought the blow was strong enough to shake her awake. He was gleeful and overjoyed the day they were supposed to get married. Ah, the shock he felt when they told him she'd run away from the church.  _So you are not going to be the mother of my children after all, Cupcake._ He smiles at the memory as the rain falls harder. For a brief period of time he believed he could actually have some happiness with this woman. Even if she was still in love with another man. A dead man. Her mother had nagged her into submission. The pain and confusion were too overwhelming for her subtle soul. So she gave up, simple as that. And he knew he was marrying a corpse, an empty shell. But it didn't matter. His marriage to her would be a combination of work and pleasure. They knew Monaso was't dead and that sooner or later he would come back for his woman. Love is such a tricky bastard. Joe Morelli laughs out loud, his voice echoing through the empty house.

No one knows who he really is. All his records have been altered. All his past and history are a forgery. He'd like to think that he's one of the nameless patriots working in stealth for the government. The ultimate precaution against crimes and terrorism. The top-secret tool to make sure everyone is being honest. See all evil. Hear all evil. Promptly report all evil. Stay hidden in the bright spotlight. Nope, he's not just an ordinary cop. He's an undercover superhero. And Stephanie has, once again, dumped him for another man, a shady character. A licensed murderer. A killer on the government's payroll. Joe Morelli lets out a snort. She's never smart enough. Poor Steph. She does have lousy taste in men. And if they come back and he finds them...

_Ah, Cupcake,_ he downs the remaining vodka,  _blame it on Ranger._


End file.
